2009: How strange will it be?
Satirizing politics isn’t easy; your imaginary absurdity keeps getting overtaken by the real thing. It wasn’t that long ago when we taped our twisted fantasy of 2009 for Colorado Public Television, but since then the Senate vacancy farce has exploded, and now there’s the Broncos melodrama on top of that. Embarrassment of riches!
Must have been too much merriment on 12/31, because I woke up on 1/1 thinking what a masterstroke it would be if Ritter named Mike Shanahan to Salazar’s Senate seat. It could only help the Dem ticket in Colorado next year — and what a way to take some of the media glare off Ritter’s floundering fellow governors, Blago in IL and Patterson in NY, as they grasp for gravitas amid senatorial follies of their own.
Anyhow, Susan Barnes-Gelt and I did get off a few good gibes in our “Head On” exchange about ’09′s nutty possibilities, currently airing on Channel 12 in Denver and elsewhere across the state. Here’s the script:
John: It’s time again for Susan and John’s fearless New Year’s predictions. 2009 is gonna be crazy. Harry Reid launches a deodorant brand. Jon Stewart and Joe Biden trade jobs. Bill Ritter gives up the governor gig and heads back to Africa as a missionary. Colorado Public Television acquires the Rocky.
Susan: Republicans drown Grover Norquist in a bathtub. Sarah Palin replaces Shawn Hannity and Bill O’Reilly on Fox News, as the station struggles for viewers. Bill Clinton’s handicap falls to the single digits as he’s banished to the links for the next four years.
John: The Secretary of State’s husband will still have an ethical handicap in triple digits. So Hillary dumps Bill and marries Henry Kissinger. The Onion acquires the New York Times. Mattel acquires GM. The Mafia acquires Chicago. The Obamas get a pretty little pitbull and name it Sarah.
Susan: Hickenlooper goes to Washington to head the Department of Special Events – the perfect job for a guy who is better at putting on a show than governing a city. With DC becoming the nation’s new financial hub, Pennsylvania Avenue changes its name to Wall Street and the bankers morph to street sweepers.
The author can be reached at John@BackBoneAmerica.net
